Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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