you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
