i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize