weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
