Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm too high and old for this...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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