Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
