Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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