This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
