she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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