pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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