there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
