I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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