I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
