I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
