I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
