Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
