used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
