I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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