he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
