my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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