Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
