I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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