The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
