maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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