you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
