got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
