So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
