I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
