So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
