Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
