for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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