and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
