highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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