is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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