So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
