Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
