Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
