We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
