Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
