I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dignity is for republicans.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
