your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
