Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
