Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
