Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
