Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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