dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
