I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
