ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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