I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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