Your face is a jimmy john
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I checked into jail on foursquare
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
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