Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
