I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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