Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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