I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
