Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
