I wanna passion pit in your ass
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
