the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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