I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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