She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
