It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
