I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize