i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my being single is dangerous.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
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He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
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So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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