Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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