turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
