how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize