I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
