he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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