Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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