Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
