I wish I could punch you in the face.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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