She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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