We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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