Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
