wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
