Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
