My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
smell my finger.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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