You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
