Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
