WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
