I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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