Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
