they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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